What Mom Really Wants for Mother’s Day
Discover what moms really need for Mother’s Day—more time, support and self-care. Learn how to ease the mental load and help moms prioritize well-being.
By Leslie Forde
I spend a lot of time listening to other moms. Whether in between meetings, scurrying through the playgrounds or chatting while the water bottle fills at the gym, the conversation is remarkably similar.
We're tired. No, wait, we're exhausted!
The Mental Energy Drain Is Often Neglected
We love our children and our families.
However, let's do the math:
The mental energy to plan everything from doctors’ visits to play dates, soothe flared tempers, ascend the career ladder, grow as a person and nurture important relationships
+ the physical energy of cleaning multitudes of dishes, laundry, shopping, commuting, pick up/drop off
= Cranky, tired mommy
Making it all (mostly) “work” requires artful planning in advance. This forward planning means, wherever moms are, the quietly insistent “mental to-do list” enters our thoughts and threatens peace and presence.
'Mom's Hierarchy of Needs'
Styled after Maslow's hierarchy, the pyramid shows (at the bottom) the children and family's needs are typically given the highest priority by moms. Important activities that help mom “self-actualize,” like self-care, hobbies and fun, inevitably receive less attention. We don't give ourselves permission to ascend to the upper levels until the basic needs of our family members and households are met.
I am constantly wanting to be the best mom I can, but sometimes I feel defeated. I can't possibly get everything done, and I have little time for myself.
For better or worse, work is a higher priority. Without my job, we have no way to pay bills, and we’d all be screwed. So work is probably second after children. And really, I have very little time for anything but the bottom four (children's well-being and activities, household and professional roles).
Some Families Get It
Many moms recognize self-care as a vital component of caregiving and actively prioritize it.
I have been learning that self-care is so, so important. I use the analogy of in an airplane, put on your mask first (and) then help others. So mom's health and sleep should really be at the very base of the pyramid, because without that, nothing else can happen successfully.
I would make a healthy relationship a higher priority than professional role, having a good relationship with my husband (making time for date nights, strive for quality one-on-one time each day, and helping each other out with household/child care) makes both of us happy. I want to show our children what a happy and healthy relationship looks like. Plus, I believe happy parents help nurture happy children.
What Do Moms Need for Mother's Day? Help Moms Prioritize Self-Care!
When surveyed about what would make it easier to take care of yourself, moms responded with both the need for big structural changes (e.g., affordable child care) and practical modifications that most families can make.
Discretionary Time
I want to find ways to free up time for myself. I want to let go of things that don't add meaning to my life.
Time. Kids taking most of any free time and trying to balance my needs with what they need.
Free time away from the kids, more sleep, time to do things that aren't focused on kids, work or household needs.
Free time without responsibilities.
Accessible Mental Healthcare
Limited free time and anxiety caused by overstimulation from kids without breaks. I’m divorced and have my kids 50% but I get burnt out quickly when I can’t escape for even a few minutes when they’re with me.
Access to mental health care and help with my daughter. I’m a single parent.
Accessible Childcare
One day of childcare a week to catch up on everything.
A babysitter. I need some Mommy time.
Free child care.
Flexible Work
Not enough time in the day, 50 hours at work a week, 13 hours commute a week. Children are priorities over self-care.
Guilt-free time off from work. I work in a hospital.
Affordable Healthcare
I don't know what could help. Maybe free healthcare. I'm terrified someone in my family will get sick and we'll go bankrupt.
Free healthcare.
More Support
I just don’t want to do everything alone anymore. I have been on survival mode my whole life, and I just want to live what life I have left free and not worry about finances and worrying about my peers because it seems they figured life out. I just don’t want to work my life away anymore making others rich while I waste my time for cents waking up every day on this floating rock; I just want to escape.
Having a supportive husband who realizes the importance of self-care and interests not only for my own emotional well-being but for the well-being of our children (being a better role model) and being a better wife (less stress, with happier mental state).
Ability to get a sitter every now and then; however, I would have a hard time justifying the expense.
More local family or friends to help with child care or more financial resources to outsource housework.
I keep telling myself when the kids are older and don't want to hang out with me and are more comfortable being independent, then I won't feel guilty for making time for myself.
Where to Start
Spouses and partners, give the moms in your life the gift of discretionary time, share the household and child care, not just on Mother's Day but as part of every day.
Friends of moms, even when scheduling feels like trying to arrange the G8 summit, set up that night out, lunch catch-up, quick call or movie! Even though moms are busy, we value connecting with the incredible people in our lives.
Moms, don't be shy, start the conversation about changes at home, if you can make room in the family budget, even if it means shifting other spending, explore outsourcing some household tasks! Let's also accept (deep breaths here) that self-care is another important way to take care of our families.
Wishing moms everywhere, a wonderful Mother's Day and the ability to carve out more time for self-care.
This article is adapted from articles that previous appeared on Mom’s Hierarchy of Needs: How Can Moms Be Free to Care for Themselves and What Mom Really Wants for Mother’s Day.
Gift or order your copy of our new book: Repair With Self-Care: Your Guide to the Mom’s Hierarchy of Needs.
Reclaim Your Time for Your Well-Being
Reclaim time for your well-being today! Our web app, TimeCheck® helps. Moms stay intentional about self-care in less than one minute per week, with personalized recommendations. It’s fast, fun and free.
About Leslie Forde, Founder and CEO of Mom's Hierarchy of Needs
Leslie Forde is the creator of the Mom’s Hierarchy of Needs framework and has led growth and innovation strategy for over 20 years. She’s held leadership roles at organizations including Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, Care.com, and a children’s mental health startup. For the past decade, her work has focused on media, research, and technology in childcare, eldercare, mental health, and education. A frequent speaker and consultant on supporting parents, caregivers, and people of color, Leslie has advised companies like HubSpot, Merck, and Scholastic. Her writing has appeared in, to name a few, The Washington Post, Slate, and Parents Magazine, and she’s been featured in The New York Times, CNN, and Fast Company.
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